Who remembers the Seinfeld Dinner Party Episode with the Black and White Cookie – where Jerry loses his non-puking record? Well, sadly enough it was our turn last night with #lilboo…the pukes are going around! What a joy!
It has been nearly 5 years since Lil Boo has had the pukes…yes I remember the day quite vividly…our boy was just a little tyke. I was holding him while the projectile vomit splashed all over me…I didn’t care…not one bit…I just wanted my little guy to be alright since I know vomiting is one of the worst feelings in the world, especially for a child. The joyous aroma of formula vomit…yes it is still quite a fresh memory. #ugh
Enter vomit-roma round deux! The Mrs. just happened to hear some moaning coming from his bedroom and went to check on the little guy. He was on the floor goofing about playing…hmm get back to bed goofy. Next thing you know…we have quesadillas and green fun dip EVERYWHERE! Ah the joys of parenting bliss…My first thought, someone has a Valentine’s stash of candy and OD’d. Scared shitless and crying however is a little boy….Mrs. immediately comforts him (Mommy’s are the BEST!) as Daddy gets out a bucket of HOT water and soap…fail…I need something heavy duty for this disaster…enter the Bissell Heavy Duty Heat Carpet Cleaner 5000…oh yeah…we mean business folks!
Fast forward a bit, Lil Boo’s room is like new! Little boy is now laughing and cuddling up with his Mommy in the guest room….when oh yeah babe you know it…one…two…rush into the bathroom….baaaaaarrrrrrffffffff…..uuungghhh…..SCORE!!! We made it into the porcelain goddess!! Yummy, delicious, green vile! This boy is a trooper!
Cleaned up and back in bed feeling better now that every last drop of whatever bug was in his stomach is now visiting our friends at the City Sewer…I’m off to clean up some more…when lo and behold…my worst nightmare is staring vehemently in my direction waving its pesky little middle finger taunting my every step! I could hear it chanting, “Oh yeah – whatcha gonna do about me you little biatch!” A bloody tarantula snuck into the house and made it to the foyer!! All I’ll say is I am deathly afraid of spiders and when this little punk stared me down….well I nervously screeched with a trembling “MF’er”!!!
Yes, that is what it did to me! With a very detailed strategy I mapped out a plan of attack and yes I am a tarantula murderer…I admit it…guilty as charged…now time to clean up the mess…notice a trend here tonight?
Wrapping up…if you really made it this far…I finally crashed with #lilboo for awhile until the Mrs. came in and got me so my phone alarm wouldn’t wake him up as work beckoned my existence with other issues…
All is well now…a little boy is enjoying a light hearted day with his mommy wrapped up in the world of DSI, crackers and electrolytes.
Welcome to Life on the Grid!