Earlier this week I had a follow up appointment with my doctor.  In addition, I had the fortunate luxury of catching a bug that was floating through our house.  The doc did not realize he was signing up for a two for one visit.  Cheers!

Though the visit with the doc was as always a pure delight, I had the misfortune of meeting the acquaintance of a 30K Milli douche bag extraordinaire!

For those of you that do not know about a 30K Milli, Fake SGM, or Douchetard  (pay attention class):

30k Milli: a guy who claims he make millions, but really only make around $30k a year and spends all his money on stuff he can’t afford; a poser (thedirty.com)

Fake SGM: people who are not in the Scissor Gang Mafia but pretend to be by giving the scissor gang sign in pictures. (thedirty.com)

Douchetard: douche + retard. (thedirty.com)

Now before you go off on me, saying I am being mean or stereotyping someone – Mom’s and Dad’s out there….please DO NOT I repeat DO NOT let your children grow up and become one of  ‘those’ on The Dirty! *ICK* and *Double ICK* – this is your Dadisdom for the week!

Story Time

I am the only person sitting in the waiting room when in strides Mr. 30K Milli. (I wish I had a camera with me!)

This guy was decked out in rhinestone studded jeans and shirt (yes I said rhinestones on his jeans and shirt!)

He starts off by waltzing over to the check-in counter….as a BIG flirt with the Office Manager Lady. (who is married and a pure sweetheart!)

As he is discussing his issues with whatever the hell it was he was complaining about, he assured OML that it was not her fault and that he manages an office as well and these things happen and completely understands but is still upset that no one called him back, yet it is not her fault and wants to know what steps she made in reference to him not getting a call back…….(HUH??)

Note: Remember I am the only one in the waiting room.

After he gets an icy cold shower and a louisville slugger slapped over his ego from OML, he strides over to the magazine rack.  He looks around, and decides he needs to sit just an arm length away from yours truly.  (Bloody F’ing Hell – what Karma God did I piss off??)

Note: Leave me the hell alone in the doctors office…I am not here to be your ‘buddy’.

I was completely ignoring Mr. 30K Milli doing my own thing, waiting to see the doc. (minding my own business) when out of the blue I am asked a question, “Who will win the SuperBowl?”

After about 45 seconds of pure silence.  I responded with, “I do not watch football.” (never making eye contact with the Mickey Mouse looking reject – yes, he looked like Mickey Mouse – no lie!)

Hoping that this would have shut him up, and he would leave me alone….#fail “What sports do you watch?”, asks Mr. 30K Milli.

This time I wait roughly a minute and a half with no response, looking out the window (again minding my own business) I responded with, “I do not watch sports.” (knowing if I dam well answer that I do watch anything I am screwed!)

This just baffled Mr. 30K Milli Mickey Mouse Douche Bag. (I could tell, I glanced over in his direction as he was fumbling over his magazine thinking of something to say to me…since you know….it is such a vibrant conversation!)

Sure enough…Mr. Fab has something to say…”My personal offshore bookie says that *insert team* will win and that $500 will make me thousands of dollars on this exact point spread” (well something along those lines…..He just wanted me to place a bet with his ‘personal offshore bookie’ and went on and on for at least 4 minutes- again….piss off!)

This time I completely ignored Mr30KMMMDB.

There must have been 15 seconds of ‘odd’ silence and you know who could not accept that…time for another question.

“Which Doctor do you see?” asks Mr30KMMMDB.

This time I had to respond….”That is personal information and none of your bloody business.” says Yours Truly!

This must have sparked his interest…since he insisted in informing me of his doctor.  “Well I’ve been coming here for years and I see so and so doctor.” (hmm lying sack of monkey shit!  First off, that is not a doctor, that is the PA.  Second, you couldn’t have been coming here for years, the doctor  just moved in over here 18 months ago, breaking away from the ‘other’ practice to go off on this own and the PA is new. – Can you tell I’ve been a patient for awhile?)

Now for the REAL joy!  The door opened and in came another lady to check in.  Mr30KMMMDB locked eyes right on her you know and looked her up and down and all around…..I swear I heard that parody song, “I jizzed in my pants” playing. (YouTube it for a good laugh)

This guy had the audacity to jump right out of his seat and go running over to her – literally he ran right up trying to talk get his groove on her!

Note: She was married…she stated to OML that her husband had made the appointment.

After Mr30KMMMDB was rejected, for apparent reasons…..he elected to act as if we were long time buddies.  “Hey buddy, listen if they call my name just tell them I had to go out to my NEW truck…yup I got a NEW truck, so in case they call me just let them know I had to make some calls out in my NEW truck, thanks buddy I shouldn’t be to long out at my NEW truck.”  Flashing me the SGM sign heading out the door. (Hey did you get a NEW truck?? – piss off!)

This was my first ever 30K Milli experience, and I wasn’t even at a night club!! That’s right, they come out during the day as well!

Fortunately enough, I was called into the back before my *BFF* could return.  I was preparing to vent about my experience with the MA, when he beat me to the punch.  Apparently, I had it easy.  I feel sorry for the office!

Final Review

Parents – DO NOT let your children grow up to be this way!! Please!!

Cheers!

Welcome to the continuation of the YOB Years! Where all you need is a BIG Hug!

Peas Out!
~daddy bookins