I had entirely way too much fun last week trying out my first vlog, as rough as it came out!  This week there is tremendous improvement, I do not believe your ears will hurt.  In addition, we have a special guest appearance.  I know today is Sunday and last week I posted on a Tuesday, maybe next week I’ll do a Wednesday for good measure….

Here are this weeks questions courtesy of EightyMPHMom.com:

THIS WEEK’S QUESTIONS, COURTESY OF MY DAUGHTER:

1. What would Super Nanny say if she came to your house?

2. On the show Wife Swap/Trading Spouses, they typically pick opposites -- what type of spouse would they send to you? (meaning what type of spouse would you really hate having around!)

3. If your spouse (or if someone were to propose to you) what would your ideal proposal be (ie setting, creative)

Earlier this week I had a follow up appointment with my doctor.  In addition, I had the fortunate luxury of catching a bug that was floating through our house.  The doc did not realize he was signing up for a two for one visit.  Cheers!

Though the visit with the doc was as always a pure delight, I had the misfortune of meeting the acquaintance of a 30K Milli douche bag extraordinaire!

For those of you that do not know about a 30K Milli, Fake SGM, or Douchetard  (pay attention class):

30k Milli: a guy who claims he make millions, but really only make around $30k a year and spends all his money on stuff he can’t afford; a poser (thedirty.com)

Fake SGM: people who are not in the Scissor Gang Mafia but pretend to be by giving the scissor gang sign in pictures. (thedirty.com)

Douchetard: douche + retard. (thedirty.com)

Now before you go off on me, saying I am being mean or stereotyping someone – Mom’s and Dad’s out there….please DO NOT I repeat DO NOT let your children grow up and become one of  ‘those’ on The Dirty! *ICK* and *Double ICK* – this is your Dadisdom for the week!

Story Time

I am the only person sitting in the waiting room when in strides Mr. 30K Milli. (I wish I had a camera with me!)

This guy was decked out in rhinestone studded jeans and shirt (yes I said rhinestones on his jeans and shirt!)

He starts off by waltzing over to the check-in counter….as a BIG flirt with the Office Manager Lady. (who is married and a pure sweetheart!)

As he is discussing his issues with whatever the hell it was he was complaining about, he assured OML that it was not her fault and that he manages an office as well and these things happen and completely understands but is still upset that no one called him back, yet it is not her fault and wants to know what steps she made in reference to him not getting a call back…….(HUH??)

Note: Remember I am the only one in the waiting room.

After he gets an icy cold shower and a louisville slugger slapped over his ego from OML, he strides over to the magazine rack.  He looks around, and decides he needs to sit just an arm length away from yours truly.  (Bloody F’ing Hell – what Karma God did I piss off??)

Note: Leave me the hell alone in the doctors office…I am not here to be your ‘buddy’.

I was completely ignoring Mr. 30K Milli doing my own thing, waiting to see the doc. (minding my own business) when out of the blue I am asked a question, “Who will win the SuperBowl?”

After about 45 seconds of pure silence.  I responded with, “I do not watch football.” (never making eye contact with the Mickey Mouse looking reject – yes, he looked like Mickey Mouse – no lie!)

Hoping that this would have shut him up, and he would leave me alone….#fail “What sports do you watch?”, asks Mr. 30K Milli.

This time I wait roughly a minute and a half with no response, looking out the window (again minding my own business) I responded with, “I do not watch sports.” (knowing if I dam well answer that I do watch anything I am screwed!)

This just baffled Mr. 30K Milli Mickey Mouse Douche Bag. (I could tell, I glanced over in his direction as he was fumbling over his magazine thinking of something to say to me…since you know….it is such a vibrant conversation!)

Sure enough…Mr. Fab has something to say…”My personal offshore bookie says that *insert team* will win and that $500 will make me thousands of dollars on this exact point spread” (well something along those lines…..He just wanted me to place a bet with his ‘personal offshore bookie’ and went on and on for at least 4 minutes- again….piss off!)

This time I completely ignored Mr30KMMMDB.

There must have been 15 seconds of ‘odd’ silence and you know who could not accept that…time for another question.

“Which Doctor do you see?” asks Mr30KMMMDB.

This time I had to respond….”That is personal information and none of your bloody business.” says Yours Truly!

This must have sparked his interest…since he insisted in informing me of his doctor.  “Well I’ve been coming here for years and I see so and so doctor.” (hmm lying sack of monkey shit!  First off, that is not a doctor, that is the PA.  Second, you couldn’t have been coming here for years, the doctor  just moved in over here 18 months ago, breaking away from the ‘other’ practice to go off on this own and the PA is new. – Can you tell I’ve been a patient for awhile?)

Now for the REAL joy!  The door opened and in came another lady to check in.  Mr30KMMMDB locked eyes right on her you know and looked her up and down and all around…..I swear I heard that parody song, “I jizzed in my pants” playing. (YouTube it for a good laugh)

This guy had the audacity to jump right out of his seat and go running over to her – literally he ran right up trying to talk get his groove on her!

Note: She was married…she stated to OML that her husband had made the appointment.

After Mr30KMMMDB was rejected, for apparent reasons…..he elected to act as if we were long time buddies.  “Hey buddy, listen if they call my name just tell them I had to go out to my NEW truck…yup I got a NEW truck, so in case they call me just let them know I had to make some calls out in my NEW truck, thanks buddy I shouldn’t be to long out at my NEW truck.”  Flashing me the SGM sign heading out the door. (Hey did you get a NEW truck?? – piss off!)

This was my first ever 30K Milli experience, and I wasn’t even at a night club!! That’s right, they come out during the day as well!

Fortunately enough, I was called into the back before my *BFF* could return.  I was preparing to vent about my experience with the MA, when he beat me to the punch.  Apparently, I had it easy.  I feel sorry for the office!

Final Review

Parents – DO NOT let your children grow up to be this way!! Please!!

Cheers!

Welcome to the continuation of the YOB Years! Where all you need is a BIG Hug!

Peas Out!
~daddy bookins

My first ever Vlog…*warning* rough around the edges…and a few many ‘audio/video’ issues….otherwise enjoy, I’ll work out the technical aspects another time.  I just had to try this -- Thanks Cheryl!  Cheers!

Peas Out!

~daddy b.

We would be honored if you would join us in the

Peas and Bananas Outside with Lil Boo Childen’s Book Launch!

Kelly Loubet of Childhood Clothing and Fiona Bryan of MomActive are hosting a
Virtual Book Launch Celebration that will be held
January 28th 8-10pm EST

Twitter Party #LilBoo ~ 8-9pm ~ Reading to Children – we’ll discuss early childhood development and the importance of reading aloud to our children.

MomTV MomActive Channel ~ 9-10pm ~ Meet the Author! Daddy Bookins will answer questions and discuss the book Outside with Lil Boo.

We’ll be celebrating with LOTS of giveaways ~ TO ENTER head over to MomActive.com and add your twitter ID to the linky! Be sure to follow @banteringblonde @childhood @peasandbananas

Join us for a chance to win!!

Keurig Platinum Brewer and K-cups – Keurig is great for those who love a cup of gourmet coffee, but dislike the measuring, mess and hassle that comes with an ordinary drip coffee maker. The system uses an innovative single-cup technology that ensures a fresh-brewed, perfect cup of coffee or tea every time. Simple choose your favorite K-Cup, brew and enjoy. With over 200 K-cup varieties of gourmet coffee, tea and hot cocoa from your favorite brands (Green Mountain, Tully’s etc) to choose from, even the most discerning coffee drinkers can find something they love!

Keurig offers a range of brewers, which can be found on Keurig.com. In particular, the Keurig Platinum Brewer is a higher end model and offers the following features:

- Auto On/Off, Digital Clock, Adjustable Temperature Control and the “Set Your Favorite Cup Size” option.

- Five cup size settings including an iced coffee and travel mug setting

- Available at www.Keurig.com and retailers such as Bed Bath and Beyond for $169.95.

Autographed copies of Outside with Lil’ Boo -an illustrated children’s book based on the creative events experienced through the eyes of Lil Boo in an array of outdoor adventures.

From Ants to Birds or Oranges to Potatoes, you will be amazed at the wonders of playing outside. Follow Lil Boo and his imaginary friend Onote from the letters A to Z in a fascinating rhyming adventure.

Huge gift basket from Earth’s Best – assortment of Earth’s Best products—baby food, diapers, wipes, cookies, cereal and more!

Webkinz Jr. from Ganz – Webkinz Jr. pets are lovable plush animals that each come with a unique Pet Code and access to the virtual Webkinz Jr. world!

$50 Amazon gift card – we love love love Amazon.com!

$25 Starbucks gift card – make a pit stop, grab a paper and your favorite beverage … on us!

$50 gift card for Label Daddy from The PR Place – What is not to love about a story where two best friends put their experience together to create a product that is so practical and easy to use?

Gift card for Planetshoes.com

Shoes shoes shoes! Planet.com carries all the top brand name shoes and will even ship and return purchases of $49 for FREE!

e.l.f French Manicure Kit – trendy and stylish, do-it-yourself!

Enter to win HERE at MomActive.com …………and stay tuned for several super surprise items!

]]> http://peasandbananas.com/2010/01/26/virtual-book-launch-of-peas-and-bananas-outside-with-lil-boo/feed/ 0 http://peasandbananas.com/2010/01/25/booisms/ http://peasandbananas.com/2010/01/25/booisms/#comments Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:38:11 +0000 Daddy Bookins http://peasandbananas.com/?p=1899

It is a general assumption, that Monday’s are Mayhem.

Actually, it is the truth….

Here are a few Monday morning mayhem boo’isms to get the laughter flowing, enjoy!

“Daddy, you’re a meatball with legs.”

Where the above came from? Seriously, I have no idea…..entirely out of the blue.

This next one is purely obvious, I mean really -

“We don’t rip off our peepee – we’d bleed!!”

Smart choice!

Cheers!

Welcome to the continuation of the YOB Years! Where all you need is a BIG Hug!

Peas Out!
~daddy bookins

Right over our backyard.

Enjoy!

Welcome to the continuation of the YOB Years! Where all you need is a BIG Hug!

Peas Out!
~daddy bookins

With this being the first post of 2010, I thought it would only be appropriate to start with a few grandiose toddler moments.

Dry Erase Markers – We *heart* the creator of Simple Green and the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser!  Lil Boo took the black dry erase marker from his ‘art easel’ and elected to show us his newfound talent – Tagging the Furniture/Carpet.   Much to our surprise the list includes (but not limited to) – the dinning room table, a side table, a wall in the dinning room, the carpet in the hallway, a ludicrous amount of toys, a chair in his room, and pretty much each piece of white furniture in his room.

National Naked Toddler Rudeness Day – To be blatantly rude is one thing.  To be blatantly rude and naked?  Well now, this is just pure insanity.  The pure and innocent melodies of charisma vomiting from your toddler’s mouth in a fit of rage are the most delightful experiences one could ever ask for.  The destruction junction would only last for a few minutes, followed by a warm touchy feely hug.  All was well.  I just want to know who the prick was flipping the chaos toddler switch!

Dead Cow Meat Juice – Better known as beef broth.  Anyone care to do a few shooters of this nasty crap?! Mister I am a BIG boy has some hefty balls.  Not only did he help himself – he managed to open the container, pour himself a glass, and take a mighty gulp of the putrid smelling and tasting cow juice.   Talk about the gagging noises we heard!

Peas and Bananas moment.

Potty Training – Over the holidays, the Mrs. spent a lot of time encouraging the use of the potty.  I mean my god Lil Boo is almost four years old.  Hurry up or you’ll miss the train mister mister.  Moving forward the other day, Lil Boo came running up to me from down the hallway:

“Daddy, Daddy – look I pooped in the potty!”
Really? You did? Let’s go see it.

*walking back down the hallway to the bathroom*

Holy smackers bookins, that’s a bloody torpedo!
“See I pooped all by myself – I’m a big boy now!”

Mission Accomplished – Daytime potty training completed.

Enjoy!

Welcome to the continuation of the YOB Years! Where all you need is a BIG Hug!

Peas Out!
~daddy bookins

No one ever said raising a child was easy.

If so, I missed the memo.

From the infant year of very little sleep.

To years one and two, respectively….

No one could have ever prepared themselves for what I call, “The YOB Years”.

In fact, if I knew what I was getting myself into – I would have gladly TIVO’d year three- then forgot to watch it.

Not to say I didn’t learn from this past year.

In fact, I learned a great deal.

The knowledge I gained, will triumph in year four!

I do believe that lil boo summed up this past year earlier in the afternoon while riding his bike outside.

I leave 2009 with the Boo’ism of all Boo’isms this year:

My gas boogers are bleeding.

Enjoy!

Welcome to the continuation of the YOB Years!  Where all you need is a BIG Hug in 2010!

Peas Out 2009!

~daddy bookins

Everyone has them….

Enjoy!

Welcome to the YOB Years!  Where all you need is a BIG Hug!

~daddy bookins

Have you ever had this conversation with your three year old?

It ranks up there with:

• daddy, boys have pee-pee’s – what do girls have?
• daddy, my pee-pee is big!
• to nonchalantly petting breasts.

It starts off simple like this:

• daddy, what’s this? *pointing finger at his nipple*
• that’s your nipple.
• daddy, I like nipples.
• that’s nice, so do I (did I say that out loud, crap!)
• daddy, do girls have nipples?
• yes, they do – everyone has nipples.
• so mommy has nipples?
• yes, mommy has nipples just like you and me.
• daddy, can I see your nipples.
• no get you pj’s on!

Next thing you know he’ll want to pierce his nipples and singing that 70’s porno song, “I like boobs a lot, boobs a lot!”

It is fascinating watching a toddler become so curious about their body.  From yanking on his pee-pee (which makes me cringe each time he does that) to getting a paper cut between his fingers, lil boo is ever so observant to the smallest detail.

Toddlers are smart.  Do not let them fool you.  As we get old and dumb ourselves, we pay less attention to our surroundings and only focus on insignificant nonsense.  At least that is my opinion.

I have been fortunate enough to spend the last five days with lil boo.  In such time, we have bonded back to a point and time some ten months back.  I lost that point this year by working long hours.  I have one shot with my pride and joy.  You had better believe I’m not going to mess it up!

If lil boo wants to talk about nipples, then by all means…..it’s nipple time!

Enjoy!

Welcome to the YOB Years!  Where all you need is a BIG Hug!

~daddy bookins